Unlike in Nicaragua and Cuba,
baseball isn´t generally a well accepted pastime in Honduras. It turns out that
not taking that revelation seriously can get dangerous.
We, the missionaries, knowing that soccer is the be-all end-all of our kids' sporting experience, put some effort into getting the kids to try out a bit of a different game a few weeks ago. We settled on softball. We started off with all of
the right steps. We pulled a whole bunch of donated gloves out of the dusty
back corner of some bodega, gathered up a group of finca kids, convinced them,
after some arguing and checking for scorpions, to correctly place gloves on
their left hands, and re-explained the basic rules of softball to them.
Basic rules:
Somebody will throw
the softball to the person with the bat. The person has to hit the ball with
the bat, and then run to first base. If they get there with plenty of time to
spare, they can go to second base, después third, and después home. The other
team is trying to prevent them from advancing by throwing the ball and/or
tagging the runner out.
At this point you are almost certainly thinking,
“Wow, you probably should’ve given them a bit more detail on some of those
rules and added a few others.”
You are correct.
The end result of my
instructions can probably be summed up in the following at-bats*:
Belkis, our resident
female soccer star, steps up to the glove (home plate) as Nelsy takes on the
role of pitcher. From about eight feet out, Nelsy tosses the first pitch, high
and outside, and I quickly realize my first error. The person has to hit the
ball with the bat while holding the bat
with both hands. Belkis drops
one of her hands from the bat, swings with the force of her whole body, and the
entire baseball field falls silent for a moment as Nelsy’s life flashes before
her eyes. Thank the good Lord Belkis missed. A short explanation later, in
comes the second pitch which Belkis connects on, and the race is on. The
players behind the batter duck as the bat goes flying. Nelsy picks up the ball
and employs the tactic she’s familiar with from the last
time she played baseball with a tennis ball and slightly different rules. Error
number two. The other team is trying to prevent them from advancing by
throwing the ball to (NOT at!) another
player on their own team and/or
tagging the runner out. She chucks the ball at Belkis with as much force as
she can, the ball misses, and because there are only about three people on each
team by this point1, there is nobody on Nelsy’s team anywhere near
first base any more. Belkis rounds first to head to second, third, and
eventually home, as the other team scrambles in vain to recover the ball on
time. 1-0.
In comes Jenny,
another of the house two girls, and our chances of are looking pretty good. We’re
already up one-zero and looking to extend our lead. The first pitch sails high
over Jenny’s head, and although she complains, she swings and misses. The second pitch is on track to hit her until
she hops out of the way. Finally the third comes in and Jenny hits the ball
about seven feet into the air, nearly straight up. She ducks to avoid the
ball but it falls right back down and hits her in the back anyway. The ball
rolls outside of the baseline, and Jenny takes off for first. I’m going to be
honest, in my defense I don't think this was really a situation in which I failed to pass on necessary instructions. I simply have no idea what would really happen there.
Either way the play continues and Jenny makes it to second safely.
I step up to the
plate. I jump out of the way a few times as I have to catch the ball on its way
towards my body, and I have to put up with quite a bit of complaining about how
I should be swinging at balls that bounce a yard in front of me and are somehow
still supposed to be hittable. [Possible error number three: I could have
explained strikes and balls] Finally a hittable pitch comes in and I make some
contact, sending the ball skipping across the ground towards the shortstop
position.
I take off, and as I
round first, I quickly realize I should easily have time to make it to second,
because the ball has made it into the outfield and Emily is still a decent
distance away from it. Nelsy and Sigri, both on defense, quickly realize the
same and take what they deem appropriate steps to mitigate the danger their
team is in. Error number four: The other team is trying to prevent them from
advancing by throwing the ball to
another player on their own team and/or
tagging the runner out while holding the ball. Both of the girls run from their respective
locations of the pitcher’s mound and the short-stop location towards second
base, and attempt to prevent me from arriving at second by throwing themselves
between me and the base. I successfully dodge Sigri but slam into
Nelsy, just scrambling away from her grasp in time to re-orient myself and figure
out where second base is now located. I touch second, the throw comes in from
the outfield and flies past Nelsy towards home plate, and I head to third. My
RBI stats and Nelsy’s ERA head opposite directions as Jenny easily scores. 2-0. Because it looks like I might have
time if I really sprint, as I round third I make the decision to head home.
Nelsy gets to said ball much quicker than I’ve expected, and naturally chooses
to employ the same tactic we’ve been trying to break her of all game. I have to
leap to my left and into the air as from about 6 feet away Nelsy aims directly
at the center of my chest and fires off a rocket. Thank goodness nobody in
Honduras normally plays any sports that involve throwing things. Her miss
grants me about a second to realize that the fact that she has failed to hit me
and the ball is on its way to third does not, in her eyes, mean that I’m home
free. As I land from my jump and try to re-route myself towards the home-plate
glove I’ve managed to lose sight of (the grass has recently turned yellow
here), Nelsy seemingly forgets that she’s playing baseball and not football
americano, and re-directs her movements to reflect mine. About 3 feet from the
bag, Nelsy hits me full on in tackle mode, and I’m completely taken down
to the ground about a foot from the home plate glove. Belkis picks up home
plate and hits me in the foot with it a couple of times. 3-0.
*Disclaimer: Several
of the following events are based on a true story but may have been slightly
fictionalized in the sense that I’m both unsure of all of the details of who
was batting when and trying to condense this down into a manageable size and
therefore may be (and probably am) combining different occurrences from
different at-bats into one. The last play involving me actually happened as
stated. ¿Except
for maybe the Jenny starting that play on second base part?
1Two of our house five boys have already said, “This
game is too boring” and walked off in the middle of being on third base and at
bat, respectively. You were on third base, man. You were a runner in scoring
position. Come on.
As a result of
recent experiences, some of which appear above, I’ve updated the old "basic rules" to
reflect some clarifications that may allow for a slightly safer and more-enjoyable
baseball-like experience to be had by all. I’ve created three slightly
different options, in order from least to most acceptable to the Honduran
population:
Option 1: Somebody who isn’t afraid of getting hit in the face
will throw the wiffle softball
towards the person with the bat, not at them. The person has to hit the
ball only once in any given play with
the bat, and then, after carefully
putting the bat down, run within the
baseline to first base without
complaining about the fact that their hit was ‘feo’ and therefore shouldn’t
count. If they get there with plenty of time to spare and nobody between them and the next base is currently holding the
baseball, they can go to second base, después third, and después home. Wherever they decide to stop, they should
stay on that base until the next batter has hit the ball, and should not at any
point say, “This game is dumb and boring. I’m leaving.” and walk off of the
base headed for their house. The other team is trying to prevent them from
advancing by throwing the ball to (NOT at!) another player on their own team and/or gently tagging the runner out while
holding the ball. Moving the base towards any player on your team is not valid,
nor is taking a base and turning it into your glove.
Option 2: Somebody who isn’t afraid of getting hit in the face
will roll (or kick?) the kickball towards the person with the bat at the plate. The person has to hit kick the ball only once in
any given play with the bat, and then run within the baseline to first base without complaining about the fact that their hit kick was ‘feo’
and therefore shouldn’t count. If they get there with plenty of time to
spare and nobody between them and the
next base is currently holding the baseball, they can go to second
base, después third, and después home. Wherever
they decide to stop, they should stay on that base until the next batter has hit
kicked the ball, and should not at
any point say, “This game is dumb and boring. I’m leaving.” and walk off of the
base, kick the ball in the opposite direction, and head for their house. The other team is trying to prevent them from
advancing by throwing (or kicking?) the ball to (NOT
at!) another player on their own team and/or gently tagging the runner out while
holding the ball, and/or hitting the runner below the waist with the ball.
Moving the base towards any player on your team is not valid, nor is taking a
base and turning it into your glove (which you honestly shouldn’t be wearing
anyway because you’re playing kickball).
Option 3: There’s one
ball and two teams. Both teams have a goal marked out by those big piles of
baseball gloves on opposite sides of the field. Nobody can use their hands. Go.
